Calling all Rob Fans: 5-21

By:  Parisienne

We’ve noticed actor Robert Pattinson has collected a few female fans over the years. Some are making interesting demands and pulling eccentric stunts to get attention. We call it Robjectified! Although, some are aware Robert Pattinson is a real living breathing person and not an object? Sometimes we are unsure if others do. Each week I will search the blogosphere in pursuit of five of the craziest request, or you can send in some as well to our Contact Us page. Then we will pick the top five and ask you to vote, which one is the most absurd. You will not believe what we’ve found.

Below are five we selected this week. Some of the information and photos were found on various sites.  I’m just here to usher you through the theater of the absurd.

1.  The following ad was listed on Craigslist.  It is no longer there, I checked.  Perhaps she found her Edward?

“My aunt just died and left me some cash with instructions to blow it however I want. Not into drugs. Fucking LOVE Twilight. Also, a lesbian. It’s relevant, I swear.

I’m sure this ad will get me some creepers, but it might be worth it.

I will pay you $50 an hour to act like Edward for me. My schedule is flexible, and it would only be a few hours a week. I do NOT want any sex or kissing, but some platonic cuddling would be nice. You need to physically resemble Edward to some degree. You need to put on some sort of sparkly stuff on your face before hand. I’ll ask you to hold ice for a while (not a dangerous while) so that when you touch me your hands are cold.

I’m going to be clumsy, and you’re going to stare at me and tell me how awesome I am and treat me amazingly. If you can quote the book/act out small scenes with me I’ll even pay you more.

I know this is stupid, but this book is the first time I’ve understood being attracted to any guy, and I want to play with it. Reminder: this is NOT SEXUAL. It’s an emotional itch that I can now afford to scratch.

Please send me a picture to confirm that you somewhat resemble Edward (hair length/color, skin color, build of body are most important). If you wear glasses you’ll need to be able to function without them. I’m willing to buy you the right outfits so don’t worry about clothes.”

I have no idea what to say about this.  I wonder how much her Aunt left her? I know if I were the guy, I’d want more than $50.00/hr.  Ms. Lady, who ever you are, don’t you know not to post this stuff on Craigslist? Are you unaware of the recent robberies?  Please read here: Craiglist robberies.

2. Having a Twilight Themed Wedding is a cute idea as long as one doesn’t go overboard with everything.  No Edward/Bella look-a-likes as maid of honor or best man. This photo can be found on casasugar.com.

Dear Pink Poster Fan:  Please choose Edward or Rob, you can’t have both.

3. When I saw this I felt bad for the baby.  This photo has been circulating all over the internet and can be found on Talksy.com. Not only does the poor little baby have diaper rash.  It also has to suffer the whims of its parent.  Will this child be traumatized by this incident?  We’ll have to wait 18 years to find out.

4.  This photo of Rob was found on pattinsonlife.com.  Apparently someone thought it was cute to dress and pose their child like Rob in this photo.  Note to whoever did this:  Rob was in a sexual pose.  Not a pose you’d put your kid in.  I can see trying to dress your baby up like Edward, that’s cute, but not like Rob where clearly that’s not meant for the eyes or body of a child. I won’t post the photo of the child because I don’t have the permission of the owner of the photo and it is just in bad taste, IMO.  Just imagine a baby in the exact same outfit and pose.

I think we should all just take a moment and ask ourselves:  WWRT?  What Would Rob Think?  The answer, IMO, would be he’d want all the fans out there who think its funny to exploit themselves and their children to move on with their lives.  He’s got better things to do than to be your perverted sex symbol.

5. Last but not least this photo was found on failblog.org. I don’t know if this was done as a joke or what but this fan has lost all self-esteem.  While I’m on this little soapbox I went to a people finder and typed in Robert Pattinson.  At least 20 different people came up with the name Robert Pattinson.  She needs to be more specific about which Robert Pattinson she’s trying to attract?  Otherwise she’s going to need some kneepads.  Calling all Robert Pattinson’s.  You can meet this young lady on the corner of “I can’t get No satisfaction” and “I have No life.”  Enjoy!

Tags: Robert Pattinson, twilight