Can Men and Women be Friends?

27 Apr

Kicking off our special series on Upcoming Summer Films please welcome guest writer: 

By Littlebells

This summer, Castle Rock Entertainment, along with Screen Gems and Zucker Productions is releasing the romantic comedy Friends with Benefits July 22nd 2011.  Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis star as Dylan and Jamie: two friends dumped by their significant others.  In the film they are both emotionally damaged and turn to each other for a strictly physical relationship.  Alas, it’s not long before both characters want something more.1  This film is very similar to No Strings Attached, starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, released in January 2011.  Again, both characters seek a physical relationship but soon discover they want more emotionally.   Both movies bring to mind one of the most debated questions of all time: Can men and women be friends?

When Nora Ephron penned When Harry Met Sally, little did she know that the witty, truthful dialogue would still be discussed two decades later.  It has been haled “the greatest romantic comedy of all time” despite losing both Oscar and Golden Globe nominations. Ephron believes the film is still popular because the questions asked were honest and relevant.2

Single Friends

On The Early Show, Cosmopolitan’s editor-in-chief, Kate White, offered her answers.  She said,

Men and women can have a platonic relationship and Billy Crystal’s character, Harry Burns, was also right.   Women are more likely to be friends with an attractive male with no sexual tension, she says, as opposed to a man who wouldn’t mind if he slept with his female friend even if she’s not a 100% his physical type.” 3

At one point or another, someone in a friendship may undoubtedly develop stronger feelings for their counterpart.  They may not tell the friend how they feel and they may never seek a more romantic relationship, but the desire will be there.

Many relationships do start out as friendships.  Some friendships fail once the romance begins.  If friends are able to make the romance work, it may be due to the foundation established through the friendship.  For the basis of any relationship it’s actually recommended to start with a solid friendship before introducing sex. Why? In a relationship you should trust your partner, feel emotionally safe, and share common beliefs, values, and morals in-order for it to be successful.  If you have romantic feelings for your friend, why not pursue a relationship with someone who brings out those qualities?4  Sex should only be viewed as the cherry on top and seen as the most physical and emotional form of love you can give to your partner.

Friends when in Relationships

Once in a relationship, marriage or otherwise, is it possible to have friends of the opposite sex?

Having friends of the opposite sex when in a relationship is a very tricky situation.  It’s not impossible, but it’s not very practical either.  There is a very fine line, which cannot be crossed. If you spend quality time with a member of the opposite sex, emotional bonds can form.  Also, a closer relationship with a friend will create distance (from the partner) and the start of an emotional affair.  This can then lead to a physical affair.5

White goes on to state that couples need to keep things in check and set boundaries.  You should be your partner’s confidante—not someone else’s of the opposite sex.  She suggests men and women be more territorial (without being overbearing), ask questions, state how you feel if you deem something inappropriate, and make them feel special.

In the end, the question, “can men and women be friends?” still remains unresolved today. The debate will withstand the test of time and have the shelf life of a Twinkie.  So in the mean time, make some popcorn, hop in your La-Z-Boy, and watch “the greatest romantic comedy of all time.

Please join us for a discussion on: Thursday, 4/28/2011@7pE/12UTC


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207 Responses to “Can Men and Women be Friends?”

  1. in2flix April 27, 2011 at 5:08 PM #

    I was just discussing this topic with a friend. There’s another similar film called Something Borrowed coming out starring Kate Hudson. This theme seems to be very popular.
    Great read….

  2. Littlebells April 27, 2011 at 5:12 PM #

    Hi in2flix! Yes, you are right about Something Borrowed and I’m looking forward to seeing it. Hopefully we will see you at the discussion tomorrow. 🙂

    • in2flix April 27, 2011 at 5:23 PM #

      Thank you for the invite, I’ve been attending some of discussions but I prefer to watch.

      • Littlebells April 27, 2011 at 5:31 PM #

        Just know you are always welcome!

      • Parisienne April 27, 2011 at 9:41 PM #

        Welcome in2flix!

        Its great to have you. 🙂 Please feel free to join any of our discussions.

  3. Parisienne April 27, 2011 at 9:39 PM #

    LB,

    Awesome Article! Honestly, I don’t think men and women can be friends and that’s only from my perspective. Unless the man is gay and does not want that type of relationship. I do agree 100% about having a solid friendship first with someone who shares one’s beliefs and values. Also if one is thrown into a relationship with someone else and not given a choice for themselves whether or not they can see a friendship or more happening with that person, it will never work.
    This is only my personal belief and not meant in anyway as a judgement on anyone. I cannot have a short term relationship with someone. I don’t see the value in one night stands. If one has physical needs that need to be fulfilled right then well thats what toys are for. Sorry to get graphic.

    Although, I do understand the emotional needs part as well. however I don’t think that men and women can have a purely platonic relationship.

    • comic relief April 28, 2011 at 9:48 AM #

      Littlebells,
      I had a girlfriend once who said she always wanted to be friends. I agreed with her then, yet she and I really weren’t as substantial as a couple. Later when I had a little more experience in a real relationship I suddenly knew I would never keep that informal vow to her. So no I do not agree that men and women can be friends; friendly, but not friends. I believe real relationships require too much dedication and commitment.
      But if they are both be mature, I do believe they can be good colleagues to and with one another.
      Z

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 10:31 AM #

        Thanks Paris and CR!

        I agree. I don’t think men and women can be friends. CR, you are absolutely spot on that friendships/relationships require a lot of dedication and commitment. Especially a marriage or serious relationship.

        Once I got married, I stopped having “guy” friends because they weren’t my spouse. I can share deep conversations with women and we create stronger bonds, but why on earth would I try and have a stronger bond with a man who isn’t my husband? I cannot tell you how many marriages/relationships have crumbled because of this.

        I had a best guy friend in college. We did every boring, mundane thing together. WE talked all the time. At some point, I could sense his feelings were becoming stronger. Mine weren’t and I hated that because this guy was amazing, but the thought of him even holding my hand wigged me out. I had to start pulling back on our friendship because I did not want him to get the wrong idea. I eventually got a boyfriend and that kind of cured it.

        And paris, I have never been a short term relationship kind of gal. I would never be able to do the friends with benefits thing because I’m sure I’d end up being the one getting kicked to the curb in the end and my ego wouldn’t be able to handle it.

  4. Open Book April 28, 2011 at 6:49 PM #

    Welcome new and returning visitors to our discussion tonight. Please feel free to jump in and ask questions or comment. All and everyone are welcome!

  5. Open Book April 28, 2011 at 6:52 PM #

    Everyone please welcome Littlebells. She’s been a regular on our new site. We were so impressed by some of her comments, we asked her to contribute an article and we are thrilled she accepted. Although we regulars are familiar with LB our visitors may not be. The topic we asked her to select was in keeping with an Upcoming Summer film but the subject was of her choosing. So without further delay let’s start the discussion.

    • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 6:53 PM #

      Thanks, Open Book. You are too kind. Seriously!

      Hi everyone! Welcome! 🙂 I had a great time researching this info.

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 6:55 PM #

        Hi! LB, Awesome Article. 🙂

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 6:56 PM #

          Thank you, Paris.

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 6:53 PM #

      LB! Wonderful article.
      Thanks for taking the time to write one for the site!

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 6:54 PM #

        Anytime. The honor was all mine.

  6. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 6:54 PM #

    Question for everyone: have you known anyone in a FWB relationship? If so, how did it work out?

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 6:55 PM #

      I have never known anyone in that type of a relationship.

      • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:46 PM #

        Me either.

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 6:58 PM #

      Hmm! Good Q LB. Yes! I did and it was disastrous because one of them wanted more commitment. I find this always seems to happen where the women claim they are o.k. with the “FWB” relationship but really are not.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:01 PM #

        Going back to the article, you can’t NOT expect to develop feelings for someone when you are confiding in them and sharing your inner most self. I think it’s absolutely impossible!!!!

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:06 PM #

          I throughly agree. Its impossible.

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:01 PM #

      no i have not although I did have one guy. Didn’t know him at all tell me if I would sleep with him and wanted to have an open relationship he was cool with it. I ran for the hills.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:02 PM #

        Wowzers! (Was he hot?) 🙂

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:05 PM #

          I don’t know I never actually saw him. It was over the phone. When I talk to men and some women (hey it has happened) I’ve been told they are “getting in touch” with their feelings while listening to me. I just hang up right then.

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:10 PM #

            What the ?????? I have so many questions for you, but this isn’t the place! 🙂

            • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:13 PM #

              i used to work in a call center. I’ve heard everything.

              • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:14 PM #

                You need to write a book. 🙂 I want the first copy!!!

                • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:19 PM #

                  Trust me I could. LOL

                  • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:00 PM #

                    I’ve heard quite a few good ones off my best friend and Aunt.

  7. Open Book April 28, 2011 at 6:54 PM #

    There are two films coming out one called Something Borrowed and the other Friends with Benefits, the one u mentioned in this article. Here are the two trailers for them below. Of the two films which one are you most interested in seeing and why?

    Something Borrowed

    Friends with Benefits

    • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 6:55 PM #

      The first one: Something Borrowed. I have experienced and have friends who have been in that particular situation. At least the part where you crushed on someone, didn’t do anything, time passed, it comes up again…..

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 6:57 PM #

      I’m more interested in Something Borrowed because the entire scenario should not have happened. I think the main character should have told her friend how she felt and let the chips fall where they may (that she had feelings for him) instead of watching someone who doesn’t care about him throw herself on him.

      • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 6:59 PM #

        I want to see the first one Something borrowed.
        But my perspective is that it was issue with the guy not saying something all along letting it drag on. (Been there done that).

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:00 PM #

        Exactly. I actually did that with my husband, kind of, and look how we ended! 🙂

        I’ve NEVER done the FWB (see comment above. I couldn’t even hold hands) but FWB (the movie) does look funny. I think it may be better than Kutcher’s rendition.

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:02 PM #

          I just have seen enough to know if the woman pushes eventually the guy will pull back.

    • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:52 PM #

      I honestly don’t know which one I would choose. I’d watch Something Borrowed for John Krasinski and I’d watch Friends with Benefits for Mila Kunis. Rom coms aren’t really my thing. I think Something Borrowed may just beat out Friends with Benefits.

  8. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 6:58 PM #

    I asked the hubs if he thought men and women can be friends and he said, “Yes, but given the chance, the guy would totally do the girl.” yeah, I figured.

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:01 PM #

      I think you can be but there is always one party that wants something more if its a close relationship.

      It’s easier to stay friends at work when you share work problems and invite your SO to events that way the lines are always clear.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:04 PM #

        And when I say it’s impossible, I mean in the sense that someone does want something more, just like you said, Lurker. You have to draw boundaries. Each friendship is different, but I think anyone instinctively knows when it’s crossing that fine line of friendship and relationship.

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:10 PM #

          I have always worked with primarily men and had great working relationships with all of my co-workers. You have to be really strong and not blur the lines.

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:16 PM #

            I agree u need boundaries!

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:17 PM #

            See that’s the problem. People think blurring the lines isn’t a problem. “It shouldn’t be black and white!” That’s how affairs develop. Most start out just “talking” and “joking” and then it becomes more emotionally invested and the feelings you should be having toward your SO are channeled to the friend.

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:11 PM #

        So true!

        I always tried to be friends first and eventually the other person would get frustrated and demand more. That’s when I had to let them go because I knew I was not interested in anything more. That is when things get complicated.

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:20 PM #

          You know the guy is a keeper when they don’t push. They want you that much that they are willing to let you take the lead.

  9. Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:03 PM #

    I think Something Borrowed seems less gimmicky as well. FWB looks too staged.

    • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:07 PM #

      Hi all! I’m all over the place today, lol. My head is spinning!

      Great article Littlebells!

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:10 PM #

        Hi Ozzie! Welcome. No worries. Just sit back and relax. 🙂

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:11 PM #

        Hi Ozzie!

        • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:20 PM #

          Hello! Just catching up.

  10. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:05 PM #

    Why do YOU think people enter the FWB pact?

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:08 PM #

      Because dating is really hard, meeting people is time consuming and difficult. No one wants to put the effort into a relationship but they want the benefits of a close relationship. Which doesn’t work in the end either.

      Some people are also very afraid to be alone, so they will settle for a pseudo relationship given the chance.

      I’m weird, I’m ok being alone.

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:12 PM #

        me too. Although I do enjoy being in a relationship its difficult sometimes when one person is to pushy on the other.

        • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:15 PM #

          Ah! Yes I do not like pushy people. It makes me not trust them.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:12 PM #

        Well then call me Queen of Weird! I grew up an only child, so whenever I can get a chance to be alone, you can hear the tires squealing out of the driveway!!!

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:15 PM #

          you’re not weird. 🙂

        • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:18 PM #

          I LOVE MY ALONE TIME!!! LOL!

          • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:22 PM #

            I’m an only child and I like my alone time too.

            • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:29 PM #

              Like right now. The kids are asleep and the hubs is out. Aaaahhh…

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:10 PM #

      IMO, they are looking for someone to help with their emotional/phsysical needs at that moment. But once that line is crossed you can never go back.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:14 PM #

        See I understand that, but I know me too well. I cannot even do the little touches if I know it’s not going somewhere. Being physical is a very personal thing for me. I just don’t give it away. My husband I think got that impression because he didn’t kiss me till we had been dating for 4 weeks! Yeah, I know. Prude. Oh well…..

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:18 PM #

          me either. the last guy i dated, we went on our FIRST date and after the date he wanted to come in to my apartment. I was like I don’t think so. Although, he did take me to SeaWorld and I got splashed by a dolphin, he did wipe the water of my neck. Maybe that got him? IDK.

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:20 PM #

            LOL! I’m sorry a trip to Sea World does not get u past the front door!

            • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:22 PM #

              LOL! I know. We both got in free. That’s why we went.

            • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:22 PM #

              he tried but he got shot down. 🙂

              • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:27 PM #

                You’re awesome Paris! I was brought up very old-fashioned. You buy the freakin’ cow. 🙂

                • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:29 PM #

                  LOL me too.

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:14 PM #

        So true! Plus, they are not really sure of themselves and are using FWB to fill some void because they are afraid of being alone.

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:18 PM #

          *nods head furiously*

  11. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:19 PM #

    Who saw No Strings Attached? What did you think? How did it end? I didn’t see it. The previews just made it out to be a sex filled movie with lines here and there.

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:19 PM #

      Didn’t see it in the movies. Will wait for it to hit my movie channels.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:20 PM #

        Did it not appeal to you or you just didn’t want to spend the dough?

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:22 PM #

          I spend money on movies that I really think need to be seen in the cinema or something that really excites me. Otherwise, I wait to catch it when it hits HBO or the other pay channels I have.

          • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:23 PM #

            me too.

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:24 PM #

            Yep! Don’t like the time waisted.

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:21 PM #

      Didn’t see it. Really wasn’t interested.

      • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:34 PM #

        I haven’t seen it either.

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:23 PM #

      I did not see it because I thought it looked to predictable. I mean it really look like an HBO special.

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:23 PM #

        LOL…I agree.

      • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:25 PM #

        There are a lot of “chick flicks” I wait to watch at home. They don’t entice me to to the theater almost across the board.

        I generally save my cinema experiences for 3D, Imax, or big graphics type movies that you need the full impact.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:26 PM #

        That’s awesome! I couldn’t have said it better. As far as FWB, I like Timberlake and Kunis, and it seems to have more than just the sex thing going on. As a romantic comedy they must end up together, but do we have any dramas where the friends with benefits thing did not work out? I’m thinking fatal attraction, but that was more…I don’t know. Was it a fwb thing?

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:31 PM #

          No that was a full blown affair.

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:42 PM #

            yeah, that’s what I thought. So we only have comedies of fwb? Hmmm…I wonder why? Why don’t we have films showing how crappy it can be and usually is?

  12. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:23 PM #

    of course I couldn’t find this in time for the article (naturally!), but what do you think of this:
    “Researchers from Wayne State University and Michigan State University asked 125 undergraduates why they would or wouldn’t have sex with a friend, and what the advantages or disadvantages would be.
    Two-thirds of participants said they had been in a “friends with benefits” relationship, and 36 percent said they currently were in one. The main advantage of such a relationship was “no commitment” (reported by 59.7 percent of participants), which was followed closely by “have sex” (55.6 percent).
    The biggest reported disadvantage of this recreational sex was the possibility that feelings would develop (65.3 percent). Other worries included “harm friendship” (28.2 percent) and “cause negative emotions” (27.4 percent). Concern over pregnancy and STDs, listed as “negative consequences of sex,” came in at only 9.7 percent.
    The second part of the study asked 90 college students — all of whom had been in at least one “friends with benefits” relationship — what sorts of questions came up once they began sleeping with their friend, and how they went about answering those questions.
    While approximately half admitted to having questions of uncertainty in the relationship, 84.4 percent said they never initiated any discussion; furthermore, 73.3 percent said there was no ground-rules negotiation involved.

    http://www.livescience.com/5391-survey-finds-friends-benefits-common.html

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:28 PM #

      See that’s what gets me. People have no regard for their health or the health of others. They’d rather have the pleasure then staying safe.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:31 PM #

        I can’t even imagine the creepy, crawly, nasty, rotting, things attached to certain organs. I’m waiting to hear a report of some man’s tiddly-wink falling off due to unprotected sex.I told my husband that when it comes time to have “the talk” with the kids, I am going to print out some nasty STD photos. I’m such an on-hands mom. 🙂

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:33 PM #

          My mom did that to my brother!!!!!!!!!!! She works in a hospital and brought and entire book filled with photos of people with STD’s home.

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:36 PM #

            What did he say?

            • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:53 PM #

              He actually looked at it and closed the book.

          • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:37 PM #

            OMG

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:29 PM #

      I also want to say this, I think being in a situation that is not clear and just floating along is not healthy.
      I think it leads to questioning your own motives and the other person – it leads to the ‘cop out’ attitude of ‘just enough’ instead of the full committment of being emotionally invested.

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:31 PM #

        that’s so true. Also do you thing age is a factor? Not just in FWB relationships but committed relationships as well?

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:34 PM #

          No in fact, I think it gets even harder as you age because you accumulate a lot more time sapping responsibilities. So I think you have to really be ready to commit the time necessary to develop a relationship which means finding time to go out and see each other. That is enormously difficult with parents with kids.

          • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:35 PM #

            I agree.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:33 PM #

        I think FWB has a lot to do with maturity and how you feel about yourself. I have had some very lonely moments in my life and I never ever thought about going out and finding some guy to get my groove on to fill that void. I touched it out and found better ways to feel happy.

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:33 PM #

      See I’m always concerned as to why women would be interested in being FWB? I mean u must have really low self esteem to agree to this deal. I mean the women is the one who get shafted in the end. LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY.

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:34 PM #

        LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:35 PM #

        Oh my gosh!!! 🙂 I love you!!!!

      • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:35 PM #

        Agreed.

  13. Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:32 PM #

    Would an age difference stop you from dating a person you liked?

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:36 PM #

      Yes

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:38 PM #

        why? If you don’t mind me asking?

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:43 PM #

          People in the span of 7 -10 years difference are generally in a different phase of their life (20’s -50’s) Ashton and Demi wouldn’t have worked if Ashton wanted biological children.

          Maybe over 50 it wouldn’t matter?

          I don’t get all the 30 something men marrying all these young 24yo women. 10-15 year age difference seems significant from a maturatity perspective.

          Unless its just the same trend of the men not growing up???

          • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:46 PM #

            I do agree with that. I was close with someone who was 14 yrs older than me many years ago. He treated me like a child. So i think the maturity level definitely comes in to play.

            • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:51 PM #

              There’s also that generation gap. I remember being in my mid to late 20s asking a teenager if they knew about…shoot, I can’t even remember, and they had no clue what I was talking about. I knew I had entered that “stage” of my life: the one where I’m old. haha!

          • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:48 PM #

            Well i think that and this is only my perspective most older guys are with younger girls strictly for the sex.

            • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:57 PM #

              NUH-UH!!! You liar!!! 🙂

            • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:00 PM #

              What do these old men say shut up and spread em? Then the young girls say hand over your wallet? Hmm! sounds like the old profession.

    • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:38 PM #

      I wouldn’t date anyone 10 years older than me. I look long term. If I’m 65 and he’s 75, chances are his health is going to be worse than mine. That’s why I married a younger man. By one year. haha!

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:39 PM #

        I do that too. In fact I was just telling someone that I would date a man older than my father. I have a cut off point.

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:43 PM #

          How much older is your dad?

          • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:43 PM #

            25 years and i’m in my 30’s.

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:44 PM #

          I could not date anyone who was old enough to be my father. So weird.

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:46 PM #

            Yeah, my dad’s 40 years older so that would NEEEEEEEEEEEVER work with another guy. Although I did tell the hubs if anything happens to him I’m marrying for money the next round. 🙂

            • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:48 PM #

              Good luck with that, because all the men are strung up broke with child support payments and looking for you to help them!

              • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:52 PM #

                That’s soooo true!!!!! 🙂 Or they are just plain weird.

                • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:00 PM #

                  There are a lot of men who do not go thru the work necessary in themselves after a divorce and they bring all that baggage and bad behavior into the next relationship. When they get called out about it they are usually very indignant.
                  Top that off there are some who are looking for you to ‘take care’ of them.

                  • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:02 PM #

                    YES! YES! YES!!!!!

                    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:04 PM #

                      Well let me say that there are some women I’ve met that also felt like they ‘did no wrong’ and repeat the same bad behavior. Just trying to even the playing field. It takes two to trash a marriage.

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 7:51 PM #

            No that would not work!

  14. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:39 PM #

    *waving at Ozzie*

    • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:43 PM #

      Still here! Trying to keep up with the flow of conversation!

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:45 PM #

        No worries. Just my way of saying hi letting you know I was thinking of you. 🙂

        • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 7:57 PM #

          Aw, that’s kind of you! 🙂

  15. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:47 PM #

    What do you think are the emotional and psychological problems women have when a fwb thing goes south?

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 7:50 PM #

      They want the entire committment and when they don’t get it the breakup happens.

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 7:50 PM #

      Loss of a close emotional friendship which was more theraputic than the FWB part.
      Doubt about your own motivations and trusting your instincts.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:56 PM #

        I agree. And I think the sex part makes it far worse. Sex is a huge thing for me. Yeah, I’ll say it, I was a virgin on my wedding night. No qualms about that, but even if I wasn’t, I would never have a sexual relationship with someone that I knew was not committed to me and our relationship. I remember being dumped by my first boy friend who was also my best friend, and I was devestated!!! I can’t even imagine how awful it would be to lose a best friend and that emotional/physical connection!!! Holy crap! I would need major therapy.

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:12 PM #

      U need to love yourself before u go out searching for a relationship. I find most women in there twenties don’t know who they are and looking to settle down too quickly. That’s when they begin to lower there standards because they see everyone in a relationship. I think it’s important to explore who and what u are first. I mean if u can’t stand to be alone, why would anyone else want to be with u if u don’t like yourself?

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:13 PM #

        THAT’S SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:16 PM #

        Lurker, are you in my brain, because I swear you are! I actually did not meet my husband until I had reached that point in my life where I was 100% content with who I was. I was genuinely happy being alone if no one wanted to be with me. You can’t add happiness to anyone’s life if you don’t have it in yours first. I don’t believe relationships are two halves make a whole. It takes 2 whole individuals to make it work.

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:17 PM #

          I meant Open Book, but you’re in my brain too Lurker! 🙂 And Paris, and Ozzie….

  16. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 7:59 PM #

    Ok, I’m going to ask this question again because I think it got lost in STDs, shafts, and immature men:
    So we only have comedies of fwb? Why don’t we have films showing how crappy it can be and usually is?

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:01 PM #

      I think because no one wants to face the truth. They want to make a fantasy out of it. Like another film we know.

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:02 PM #

      You mean a reality show?
      Nobody wants to see the truth in anything, it has to be drama or comedy.
      Real hum drum life doesn’t sell.

    • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:05 PM #

      I agree girls although I think it would be beneficial. How crappy would it be if the girl gets pregnant, the friendship suffers, you want to find a real relationship but now you are stuck with a guy in your life because he’ the father of your baby/

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:06 PM #

        I know. That’s why people should wait.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:07 PM #

        Ok, the guy may not want to be in your life because he couldn’t care less about the baby, but if he did, how screwd up would that be in trying to find a husband. “Oh hey this is my son/daughter that I had with my best friend? Sushi?”

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:11 PM #

          Let me say that I think this whole concept of people dragging their children out on ‘dates’ in inexcusable.
          Focus on raising your children as your first priority not yourself.

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:15 PM #

            Standing O!

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:18 PM #

            My mom refused to date because being a mom was her number one job. She didn’t even look into dating until I was in college. Honestly, I am very thankful for that. I felt and still feel how important I am.

            • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:22 PM #

              I know exactly how she feels doing he same thing here. I don’t have time nor am I at a place in my life I want to make the time commitment. I have mixed feelings about it most days. But in the end I feel like I’m doing the right thing.

              • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:33 PM #

                my parents waited until both my brother and i were out of the house to date again.

              • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:33 PM #

                My Mum did that too. Still is! She says she’s only going to get re-married to someone who is rich and has one foot in the grave!

      • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:10 PM #

        Stuck is a relative term. Negotiating between parents is difficult and requires a lot of patience, putting your own feelings aside and being a grown up.
        Not many succeed in that pursuit thus the number of fathers who walk away or are pushed away by the wacko ex, or the ex with custody still has an ax to grind.
        Walk into any divorce court today the majority of custody disputes are not amicable and are not about the kids but revenge.

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:12 PM #

          Lurker, it is all very sad. I know exactly what you are talking about. It seems like the family is truly falling apart. Being in a committed relationship requires a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but the rewards are worth it.

          • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:15 PM #

            You have to find someone who has the same set of values and who can handle adversity. Otherwise when the times get tough things happen. The strong survive but not every relationship does.

            When someone whom you trust decides to ‘give up’ it is devastating to the relationship.

          • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:15 PM #

            it is worth it. i agree.

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:16 PM #

            Yep! And negotiating. LOL!!

        • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:15 PM #

          OMG, yes, yes, yes! I’ve watched that happen and seen it’s effects on the children. It was awful to see.

  17. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:14 PM #

    Ok, so who here does NOT like When Harry Met Sally? haha!

    These clips are two of my favorites. What were some of your favorite parts and why do you think their friendship became a marriage?

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:16 PM #

      i’ve never seen it.

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:17 PM #

        WHAT? That is inexcusable. LOL!!

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:20 PM #

          For me? Yes i know it is. Perhaps I should have a “night-in” all for myself and watch films.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:20 PM #

        Are you serious? Please tell me you aren’t serious. Please, for all that is green and holy on this earth you ARE JUST KIDDING????

        • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:22 PM #

          LOL!! Love this response.

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:26 PM #

          ummm no. sorry i’m not kidding.

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:30 PM #

            * bangs head on keyboard* rtbnkuj x mgfbhdrfgyjnfh btrdn jydvtesruntyhbrdunjfty

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:19 PM #

      I think all relationships have a natural ‘evolution’.
      Just as they say we go thru stages of grief I believe relationships do the same.
      I think they had remained friends, weathered cycles in their lives sort-of together and it made sense to take the next step.

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:25 PM #

        ITA with your assessment Lurker. Great analogy!!

    • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:19 PM #

      I don’t think I’ve ever watched it! Like I said above, I don’t normally watch Rom Coms. I’ve seen the famous restraunt clip! That’s no help, is it? LOl!

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:24 PM #

        WOW! Ozzie. I really don’t know what to say? That’s it U and Paris next assignment is to watch WHMS. LOL

        • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:27 PM #

          LOL should we do an article on it? LOL

        • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:27 PM #

          Lol! I should watch more classics.

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:25 PM #

      I would have to say the one part of the movie I remember was the one where they were in the apartment. I don’t remember if they were talking about being married or not.
      Might have to go look.

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:27 PM #

        unrolling the carpet and talking about their dates?

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:32 PM #

          They were in the apartment with the other couple I just remember that for some reason that image it sticks with me.

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:33 PM #

            were they playing pictionary?

            • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:35 PM #

              I don’t think so, it was with Bruno and Carrie after they were married. That’s all I remember.
              I’ll have to watch it again.

              • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:37 PM #

                I think Harry is with a younger women and Sally is with a teacher or something?

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:35 PM #

            Oh! Yes! That scene where they are with other dates?

  18. Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:21 PM #

    LB! The clips u have are my favorites too. I like the film because it shows two people learning to be friends without any hidden agendas, so to speak.

  19. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:22 PM #

    OH MY GOSH!!! I AM DYING OVER HERE!!!!! I feel like I am in a dream sequence where you are lying to me about not having seen WHMS!

  20. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:26 PM #

    If you only watch one rom-com before your sweet little -A leaves this earth, it must be WHMS for the following reasons:

    1) the dialogue is perfection. I swear everything that is said you have heard from someone in your own life or have said yourself. Thus when you watch the film, you keep saying to yourself, “That is SOOOOO true!”

    2) the situations are realistic.

    and

    3) it really shows a realistic approach to developing a solid foundation for a friendship that blossoms into a relationship.

    I will seriously drive and fly my bum to your houses/apts/WHATEVER and make you watch this film. I never get tired of it and think the cast is perfect.

    • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:28 PM #

      LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:33 PM #

      LOL! Love it and ITA! LB…

  21. Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:31 PM #

    Ladies,

    I need to go. Have a good night!

    • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:32 PM #

      Goodnight Paris, thanks so much for the fun discussion! 🙂

      • Parisienne April 28, 2011 at 8:33 PM #

        your welcome.

      • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:35 PM #

        Night Paris!

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:34 PM #

      Night Paris!

  22. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:32 PM #

    Who has netflix/blockbuster?? Who can Stream?

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:34 PM #

      ME!

      • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:36 PM #

        I only ask because I think it would be awesome to pick a night where we can all watch it at the same time. I could talk about it for days…:)

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:37 PM #

          I would love to know what Ozzie and Paris think of it.

          • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:40 PM #

            Hmmm! Lurker u know what I’m thinking?

            • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:41 PM #

              I have some ideas!

      • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:38 PM #

        Blockbuster’s gone under in the UK I think. The one in my town closed years ago anyway. Can netflix be used in the uk? I know we have something called LOVEfilms but I think the dvds are sent back and forth through the post. I’m not keen on that idea.

        • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:39 PM #

          I would think so????

          • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:42 PM #

            If not, risk it being sent through the post. I promise you it is worth the watch. I think you would really and truly enjoy it. I don’t find it campy or cheesy in anyway.

            • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:51 PM #

              Lol!

  23. Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:36 PM #

    Ozzie how’s the frenzy in the UK today?

    • Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:41 PM #

      Yeah, I bet it is nuts right now!

    • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:48 PM #

      Ha! Me when the announcement was made; “About bloody time! I’m not interested that much so I’m not doing anything.”

      Me today; “CAKES! Must bake cakes! Don’t forget the finger food and for the love of God don’t forget the alcohol! Where’s the blue icing dye? We have red, white but no blue? Okay, okay…Stay calm…We can do red and white for St George’s flag. Phew…. Wait, what about the novelty plates, cups and napkins? Argh!”

      Let’s put it this way, it’s the only thing been talked about for the last week! That and the fact it’s a four day weekend. PARTY!

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:52 PM #

        WOW!

        • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 9:03 PM #

          Lol! Didn’t end up getting the novelty paper plates, cups or napkins. They probably ended up being thrown out. Hopefully after tomorrow the special programmes being shown will stop. They’re getting a bit tiring.

  24. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:38 PM #

    One of my other favorite scenes is when they are doing karaoke at The Sharper Image? You remember that store!!???

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:43 PM #

      Yes! Great scene.

      How about when Harry and Sally are on the dinner date with there best friends and they both leave together in a cab. That was so funny!

    • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:46 PM #

      what was happening in this scene? I found a photo on imdb.
      I remember the walls.

      http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3178993664/tt0098635

      • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:49 PM #

        Oh! They bought there friends a house warming present and they were debating about getting rid of the wagon wheel coffee table.

  25. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:44 PM #

    Well ladies, I just want to take another minute to thank you for allowing me to write an article for your fantastic website. It was a real pleasure and I love talking with such intelligent men and women. I’m glad CR could stop by earlier. And in2flix, I hope you were here tonight! 🙂

    My chicks have hatched form their rooms and it is time for me to get dinner started.

    I look forward to the next discussion!!!! 🙂

    Good night all!

    • Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:46 PM #

      Goodnight! LB it was a great discussion and fantastic article.

      • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 8:49 PM #

        Night LB, I’ve had fun!

        • Lurker April 28, 2011 at 8:57 PM #

          Thanks LB!

          Calling it a night myself everyone!

          • ozzie20 April 28, 2011 at 9:03 PM #

            Night lurker!

  26. Open Book April 28, 2011 at 8:44 PM #

    U may have already answered this Q.

    LB what inspired you to write about this topic “Can Men and Women be Friends?”

  27. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 8:46 PM #

    Great question, OB:

    Yes, but they have to have boundaries and know when to put the kabosh on things

    No, because someone ends up having deeper feelings.

    I think you just have to be very smart. 🙂

  28. Littlebells April 28, 2011 at 9:03 PM #

    I just checked back because I realized I didn’t answer your question correctly, OB. Honestly, I was going to write about dialogue, but for some reason I watched WHMS one night and I knew, KNEW this would be a great topic. Everyone talks about it!

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